Everything We Build

Sleep deprived blank stares, headphones, people reading Kindles swarm around me as I grimace and grip my purse. The jostling, the waiting, the bumping,the pushing and shoving all mesh together as I shuffle through my morning commute. The days pile on another and its on the weekends that I think about the progress I’m making. It pushes me to wonder where I’m going with my life. Who am I becoming really?

And then a thought formulated tonight as I read something convicting. Every day we build our life into who we will become. I wake up, focusing on my appearance. I want to look professional and confident. I focus on my goals and work hard at my job. But who do I do it for? Do I want to make my name great or do I want to make God’s name great? Although I pray for God to be glorified, do I really think about that when I write or speak with someone, helping them through an issue? Do I choose to get the glory for me or for God? For God to be glorified means for him to have all of the praise for it – all of the recognition – all the awe.

It’s so fitting, then, that this season is such a roller coaster. I wonder sometimes, is God throwing a wrench in my plans not to cripple me but to puncture the blown up version I have of myself and other people’s opinions? We laugh at how people worship idols and gods they can’t see, but when we are faced with a decision and refuse to take a stand for something or someone because we’re afraid of what they’ll think, we make an idol out of our reputation and out of them.

I strive so hard for perfection, but I know clearly that I’m a mess and am desperate for a purposeful life. I hope that if anything you realize that what motivates you exposes who you serve and the life you’re building.

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My Lovely Wedding Weekend & Internship Advice

Last weekend, six girls and I laughed and talked with the bride-to-be about marriage, life and being intentional in relationships. In a hot tub. Did I mention we went to the coolest out-of-the-way B&B near where I grew up (I have never been to this place before, but it was amazing!)? They had the friendliest yellow lab (I think it was a yellow lab, I’m awful at dog types ;), delicious egg casserole, chocolate in our rooms (CHOCOLATE in our rooms), and Lemon sage body lotion that I took with me to remember the place. The house boasted a rustic theme, complete with late summer flowers, lawn chairs, and stepping stones winding around to their back porch where the hot tub sat in the corner.

The actual wedding day came and went. I had dozens of awkward conversations with the groomsmen. Newsflash: I’m not desperate to hang out with you cocky bachelors out there in wedding parties. When I’m making conversation, I am trying to be polite.  I promise I’m not hitting on you, I just need your arm to hold while I dash down the aisle in front of 120 people I barely know.

I respect the whole, that single girl is trying to flirt with me, please keep your distance concept.However, some guys take this form of bridal party cruelty to the next level. Seconds before the lovely bridal party was announced, my “groomsman” and I had a showdown. I expressed my dislike of striking out first into the wedding reception. Deaf to my requests, he gestured me in with his arm.

At this point, I’m suffocating in my dark purple bridesmaid dress, dragging in shallow breaths, forcing a perky attitude, balancing in my three inch silver heels and he can’t manage a simple “Take my arm”?

My cheeks flushed as I stalked through the reception barn toward the bridal party table.

Here I thought it was humiliating to stand in front of people and give speeches. This was worse. Except at least I didn’t need to make a speech. Whew!  Despite all of this I’m happy for my friend and wish her the best. It was definitely an eventful weekend of wedding festivities. 🙂

On to a brighter topic, I got an internship! I truly think I might have to write a memoir about How to be a Professional Intern in ten easy steps. I could seriously narrow it to 10 if I tried hard enough. Honestly, though, the perks of my internship are:

  1. Free orange juice at the Congressman’s office (nothing like a jolt of Vitamin C to snap you out of mid-morning blues…and post-metro squishing stress)
  2. Random tours around the Capitol (that apparently I have to learn to give myself…..like, who wouldn’t want to walk around the most elegant building in the US, or at least one of the most elegant buildings. It reminds me of a palace, with lots of security guards. And elevators. Ha.
  3. Lunch runs (I get random views of the District and the city on these even though I can’t afford a meal myself)

I’m excited for where September will lead. I hope I don’t get smothered by the workload of my internship that I don’t get a chance to enjoy the city. More important though, I’m realizing how important it is to enjoy my life. And I hope I can do that, instead of wasting it away drowning in a sea of worry and stress. Not that I can escape it, but I truly hope this can be a season where I grow and not a season where I am paralyzed by fear of not moving forward in my career and such.

Anyway, more later! So much fun to be back! 😉 Share internship or wedding advice in the comments!  😉