Sleep deprived blank stares, headphones, people reading Kindles swarm around me as I grimace and grip my purse. The jostling, the waiting, the bumping,the pushing and shoving all mesh together as I shuffle through my morning commute. The days pile on another and its on the weekends that I think about the progress I’m making. It pushes me to wonder where I’m going with my life. Who am I becoming really?
And then a thought formulated tonight as I read something convicting. Every day we build our life into who we will become. I wake up, focusing on my appearance. I want to look professional and confident. I focus on my goals and work hard at my job. But who do I do it for? Do I want to make my name great or do I want to make God’s name great? Although I pray for God to be glorified, do I really think about that when I write or speak with someone, helping them through an issue? Do I choose to get the glory for me or for God? For God to be glorified means for him to have all of the praise for it – all of the recognition – all the awe.
It’s so fitting, then, that this season is such a roller coaster. I wonder sometimes, is God throwing a wrench in my plans not to cripple me but to puncture the blown up version I have of myself and other people’s opinions? We laugh at how people worship idols and gods they can’t see, but when we are faced with a decision and refuse to take a stand for something or someone because we’re afraid of what they’ll think, we make an idol out of our reputation and out of them.
I strive so hard for perfection, but I know clearly that I’m a mess and am desperate for a purposeful life. I hope that if anything you realize that what motivates you exposes who you serve and the life you’re building.