Can Endings be a Beginning?


It’s funny how in our most broken moments we experience God’s faithfulness. But maybe that’s how God works.

On a Monday afternoon this past January, I was enjoying my time out of my house especially since I had been cramped inside for the past few days. I was simply texting friends and my cousins, having a grand time, until I went to key my ignition and a clicking sound echoed back.

A few panicked moments ensued, as I kept keying the ignition, exasperated and upset with myself, when a young Hispanic couple came over to help jump my car. After their futile attempts, and still no response from my engine a mechanic/construction worker Hispanic man came over to inspect the car. Following his inspection and vague explanation of something needing fixed, the engine started, I hopped back in my car and called my parents.

Suddenly, the engine sputtered and died again. The panic rose in my throat like a fizzy carbonated drink. My mom suggested I call a friend to help. After his attempts to jump my car, another mechanic came over to help. After he fiddled around in my engine, he explained that it would need to be repaired. Finally, the engine started again, and I tried to drive my car away.

However, as I was inching out, my accelerator wouldn’t work and I shot out of the car, explaining my predicament. When the mechanic assured me it took time to warm up, I idled in my car, talking with my friend, calling Triple A who radioed in for a tow truck. As soon as the tow truck came twenty minutes later or so, he hooked my car up to the truck and deposited my car and I at a Tire and Auto repair shop.
After traipsing around in the snow for a couple minutes, I panicked because I wanted to walk myself home. Finally, I requested for someone to drive me back because I was completely stranded. A young man from the auto repair store zipped me back despite the chaotic snow filled mess that the snow plows seemed to exacerbate. Relieved to be home, I plopped on a cushy chair, ate French toast with my roommates and focused my thoughts on relaxing.

The next day, I spent baking, reading, watching random movies on TV and talking with my other roommate who also had off. Around 5, I went to pick up my car, drove it back home and picked up my roommate, promising that we would go to Starbucks for coffee. After I turned onto Annandale road, I flipped on the Air conditioning and my engine began to shudder. Next, the lights flickered, the engine rattled and sputtered and then it DIED. Completely. Like, in the middle of a street it went completely dead.

Redialing AAA, I explained my location and situation. Thirty minutes later, another man with a tow truck rescued my roommate and I, took us to the Auto shop, where we were shuttled back home.

The first time, I was a nervous wreck, almost completely. Things like that typically never happen to me. However on Tuesday, after initially being upset, I just started to freak out and then laugh about how ridiculous the situation was. Then I prayed and laughed some more! It was an insanely exhausting evening that I had no idea would happen.

Maybe it’s a good thing to learn to deal with chaotic situations. I just was almost nearly paralyzed with fear at first and I felt completely terrible that I put my roommate in that situation especially since I had promised her coffee. Good grief!

Despite all of this, there’s a peace that crawled in and wrapped its arms around my heart last night. I really can’t describe it, just that I know that God was there and that He was in control and that He kept me from being hit in the middle of a crowded road in rush hour traffic.

The thing is, I hate depending on people, but He’s broken me of that. He knows that when I’m brought to the end of myself, I’m forced to rely on Him. While I write it off as terrifying and completely inconvenient and humiliating, He sees it as a way to speak to me, drawing me in, reminding me that He is good even when my circumstances aren’t.

And it’s reached to other areas of my life too. I’ve been so upset and overwhelmed about surviving in this expensive city while simultaneously interning on Capitol Hill. I’ve been so caught up in believing that a full time job will give me peace and happiness.

But it’s almost like He’s saying through this:

I am enough.You don’t need a perfect life or perfect circumstances to follow me. When you’re stripped of basically everything – I can finally show you that those things you depended on so much won’t ever satisfy you.

He reminds me that He will provide and I have peace about this now – an almost impossible peace. But it’s there and through this, He’s using this to show me how when my life shatters, He is faithful.


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