Depths

My conscience twisted as the music played. I shoved at the tears as I realized the depths I had reached. The thoughts that had been spilling in didn’t seem to belong to me. Yet they did. When I heard the words and read them, I knew. 

I knew He saw and He felt it too. I knew He heard. I was living in darkness. When people talk about valleys and shadows and deserts I wonder if they had felt what I had felt. This desperate longing to be full. A gnawing ache that nothing could quench. It was a thirst. A need. And my heart cried for it. 

You couldn’t tell by looking at my life. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear heels and dresses and makeup to disguise it. It’s so smart, right? But the bitterness in my soul laughs.i won’t admit it. I’ll pull a smile and tell a joke but really I’ll want to tell you I need something. Please tell me. Tell me that I need Him. Tell me it’s not too late, that salvation is near. I might laugh and maybe scorn you, but later I’ll be crying out, gnashing my teeth bitterly. And you were there the whole time. You knew what I needed. 

You owe me hope. You owe me your joy. It’s real I know it is. Please tell me. 

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