There are always moments in our lives when we want to believe that there is something more than what we are experiencing.
We fiercely cling to hope in the darkness.
When the words people say and the events of our lives take twists we weren’t prepared for. And we wish we could go back to training wheel, barbie doll days, when life was simple. When a sandcastle tumbling over in high tide was the severest suffering.
When we never knew what it meant to be unloved or misunderstood or alone. Because there was always someone who would meet us at the end of the day and tell us we were going to be alright.
There are moments though when we look back and realize that we can’t even step back into those simple moments.
That sometimes hearts shatter and it’s our fault and all we can do is gape back at the past and mourn what we wish we could change. Regret tattoos itself on our hearts and we cringe as we glance over it.
I have regrets. I have pain. And I have a Savior who rescued me from all of this. Yet, I often go throughout my day stuck on my regrets. Or I push them out with my tenuous self reliance. A stubborn, self-destructive resolve to navigate my life independently.
I want to be able to make it to the end of my life praising God that He’s brought me through and changed my heart and made me NEW and REAL and bold for Him. I want to shine His light in the darkness of this world. It’s eaten at me and at the hopes and the dreams of so many. But we can’t look at it all in despair.
We can’t avoid the news. We can’t turn our heads away from the pain and the heartache. We can’t refuse compassion without refusing to really live and love.
To love we must feel the shattering devastating pain that comes from someone telling you that they’re sick or that they’re moving or that they’re breaking up with you. Because we loved. We risked something that was worth risking. We risked hurting and breaking apart.
I’m not sure if I understand this completely yet. Not like I want to. But my hope for you is that you don’t stop walking forward with faith. I hope that if you don’t know Jesus as your Savior that you come to Him. Because He saved me from my sin and from the evil that enslaved me and He can save you too. And if you know Him I hope that you realize that you are very loved and that loving is worth risking because Jesus risked everything for you. For me.
And being a light in a dark world can look ridiculous sometimes. It’s even painful. And devastating. But sometimes we have to reach a point. A breaking point where we are completely empty of our own strength or saving power.
Even when no one wants to forgive you, Jesus does. Even when nobody sees your suffering, Jesus sees. He came into this world to bring light to the darkness.
So that you no longer had to live in darkness, but could become sons and daughters of God.
P.S. I want to share a verse before I’m done and I hope that this resonates with you somehow. You are not defined by your past or by your sin.
For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. ❤