I stare at a blank page for minutes, then exit Word, a heavy sigh escaping my lips. Why won’t the words come? I wonder. Then I know. I’m trying too hard, the thoughts pile on top of each other like dirty laundry. There’s so much of it to be done and you’ve only just started one load. How will you ever sift through?
Do you ever do this with your life? Look at a problem way too long that you don’t even know how to solve it? Well, you’re in good company.
Of late, I’ve been oscillating between dropping everything and moving to a big city despite all of the risks I am all too aware of. Did I mention I wasn’t much of a risk taker? My close your eyes and jump abilities extend to going on that hyped up roller coaster at the theme park with my dad and brother or trying a new chocolate chip cookie recipe. That’s as far as I go.
When other people take trips all over Europe and the world basically, I hang on all of their words, I imagine the brilliant artwork, the exotic landscapes, the land steeped in history, but balk at my own passport stamping opportunity.
It’s 2015, though, I tell myself. You can’t always be cocooned in the security of your job that doesn’t challenge you the way you want it to. I’m sure there are so many people who change their minds mid-career, realizing they made a huge mistake travelling down their career path only to fall in love with something else. But when it happens to you, it’s so exhausting, so overwhelming and it feels like you’re climbing up a mountain with rocks cascading down from the top all around you. Every positive career choice leads to hundreds of negative ones. No matter what career choice you make, you set yourself up for a certain amount of risk.
So now, as I stand at my metaphorical fork in the road, I crane my neck to glimpse to where the path of my dreams may take me and an unsettling feeling churns in my stomach. But isn’t that how people feel when they jump from a plane in a parachute? Maybe it’s not safer jumping out – but it’s way more work the risk.